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Smelly Cat
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat it's not your fault...
They won't take you to the vet
Your obviously not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And your no friend of those with noses.
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, it's not your fault!
(Epi:S2-6 The One With the Baby on the Bus,S2-17 The One Where)

The Shower Song
I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And tegrin spelled backwards is nirget
Lather rinse repeat
And lather rinse repeat
As needed
(Epi:S2-6 The One With the Baby on the Bus)

The Two of Them Kissed Last Night
There was a girl we'll call her Betty
And a guy let's call him Neil
Now I can't stress this point too strongly
This story isn't real...
Now Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly
Or will it be the one that we'll call Loolie?
He must decide
Even though I made him up he must decide!
(Epi:S2-8 The One With the List)

The Truth About Grandma
Now Grandma's a person who everyone likes
She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner
Now your mom and your dad say she moved to Peru
But the truth is she died and someday you will too
la la la la la la la la la la la la ....
(Epi:S2-12 The One After the Superbowl Part 1)

The Barnyard Song
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up
And that's how we get Hamburgers.
(Epi:S2-12 The One After the Superbowl Part 1)

Terry's A Jerk
Terry's a jerk
An' he won't let me work
And I hate Central Perk!....
....You're all invited to bite me!
(Epi:S2-6 The One With the Baby on the Bus)

The Double Jointed Boy
T'was the double-double-double jointed boy
(Epi:S2-6 The One With the Baby on the Bus)

Stephanie
Stephanie knows all the chords!
(Epi:S2-6 The One With the Baby on the Bus)

The Blackout
New York City has no power.
And the milk is getting sour.
But to me it is not scary,
'Cause I stay away from dairy.
(Epi:S1-7 The One With the Blackout)

Sometimes
Sometimes men love women,
Sometimes men love men,
And then there are bisexuals,
Though some just say they're kidding themselves.
(Epi:S2-12 The One After the Superbowl Part 1)

Don't
There'll be times when you get older
When you'll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you...
But don't.
Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do. Everybody!
That's another thing that you don't wanna do.
(Epi:S2-12 The One After the Superbowl Part 1)

My Mother's Ashes
My mother's ashes,
Even her eyelashes,
Are resting in a little, yellow jar.
And sometimes when it's breezy,
Or if I'm feeling sneezy,
And now I...
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Yeah, noisy boys!
(Epi:S1-10 The One With the Monkey)

Babies
They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch.
But soon they'll grow up and resent you so much.
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why.
You cry and you cry and you cry.
(Epi:S1-23 The One With the Birth)

The Snowman
I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin'.
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La la-la-la la-la-la-la-la-la-la...
(Epi:S1-10 The One With the Monkey)

My Sticky Shoe!
My sticky shoe
My sticky, sticky shoe
Why you stick on me, ba-a-bay?

(Epi:S4-5 The One With Joey's New Girlfriend)

Holiday Song
Went to the store
Sat on Santa's lap,
Asked him to bring my friends
All kinds of crap.
He said all you need is to write them a song,
They haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
SO DON'T SING ALONG!
Monica, Monica, Have a happy Hannukkah,
I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross,
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be SNOWYYYYYY!
And Rachel and Chandler
(mumbling) haberill Glandlerrrr!
(Epi:S4-10 The One With the Girl from Poughkeepsie )

Colors of My Bedroom
Those are the 66 colors of my bedrooooomm!
(Epi:S4-1 The One With the Jellyfish)

Parading Goats
Parading goats are parading,
Parading down the street,
Parading goats are parading,
Leaving little treats!
(Epi:S4-5 The One With Joey's New Girlfriend)

Tony Tarzan
Little Tony Tarzan,
Swinging on a nose hair,
Swinging with the greatest of ease...
(Epi:S4-7 The One Where Chandler Crosses the Line)

Bodies
They found their bodies the very next day!
Oh they found their bodies the very next day!
La la la la la la....
(Epi:S1-23 The One With the Birth)

Crazy Underwear
Crazy underwear creeping up my butt.
Crazy underwear always in a rut.
Crazy underwear....
(Epi:S3-23 The One With Ross's Thing)

My Coma Guy
You don't have to be awake to be my guy,
As long as you have brainwaves
I'll be there to hold your hand.
Though we just met the other day,
There's something I have got to say....
(Epi:S1-11 The One With Mrs. Bing)

Little Black Curly Hair
I found you in my bed
How'd you wind up there?
You are a mystery
Little black curly hair
Little black curly hair
Little black little black little black little black
Little black curly hair!
(Epi:S6-3 The One With Ross's Denial)

Little Fetus
Are you in there little fetus?
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will buy you some ADIDAS!
(Epi:S4-12 The One With the Embryos)

Two Heart Attacks
It only takes two heart attacks
to finally make you see
one of them won't do it
but the second will set you free
Tell all your hate and anger
it's time to say good bye
and that is just what I will do
as soon as those bastards I work for die
Lalalalalalalalalala!
(Ep:S6-16 The One That Could Have Been Part 2)

Jingle Bitch
Jingle Bitch screwed me over
Go to hell jingle whore
go to hell, go to hell, go to hell, go to hell
(Epi:S3-14 The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner)

When I Play
When I play I play for me
I don't need your charity
(Epi:S2-6 The One With the Baby on the Bus)

Crusty Old Man
...And the crusty old man said "I'll do what I can"
And the rest of the rats played maracas
(Epi:S2-18 The One Where Dr. Ramoray Dies)

Phoebe Won't Leave
We thought Phoebe would leave
But she just stayed and stayed
That's right. I'm here all night
And Chandler will never get...
(Epi:S7-1 The One With Monica's Thunder)

Chandler Gay
The first time I met Chandler
I thought he was gay
But here I am singing
At his wedding day
(Epi:S7-1 The One With Monica's Thunder)

Ceremony
Who will perform the ceremony?
Who will perform the ceremony...?
(Epi:S7-1 The One With Monica's Thunder)

Dumb Drunken Bitch
...Dumb Drunken Bitch
(Epi:S4-2 The One With the Cat)

Whenever I Get Married
Whenever I get married
Guess who won't be asked to sing?
Somebody named Geller and somebody else named BING!
(Epi:S7-1 The One With Monica's Thunder)